When he went back on the road (a month after we made our first house payment) I was thrust into the role of...well...everything. On top of wearing more hats than I could have imagined, I was also the one who had to keep it all together so the kids could keep it together.
Still wearing that hat, Vance's accident happens and I find myself being thrust into the additional role of care-taker for him. It didn't take long to learn how much (emotionally) he could handle and what things he could & couldn't deal with.
I have been so strong for so many people (mainly for my kids - if I lose it, who will they have to keep them together) for so long and I'm tired. I'm so very, very tired. I feel like I am carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders and there's not a soul in the world who can comprehend what that feels like. I can't quit carrying that load though because if I do, who will be there to pick up the pieces? Vance can't - he has too many struggles of his own he's trying to deal with. My kids can't - and I'd never ask them to. There is no one who can carry this. I don't know how to keep doing it, but I don't know how to stop either. I'm so tired.
We had to go to Kennewick last weekend for what we hoped would be one of the last IMEs (Independent Medical Exams - although I'm not sure seeing the same doctor 3 times can even remotely be considered "independent" but that's another story). This morning I got an email from our attorney letting us know that they scheduled him for another one. December 6th in Lewiston, Idaho. Yes, seriously. I'm not sure what kind of moron does that, but they did. Driving that road in good weather takes about 6 hours - add the snow that's already flying and Whitebird Pass and it's a recipe for a disaster. He can't fly due to a medical condition from prior to the wreck so it's drive or nothing.
Long story short: I've been going back and forth with our attorney all day trying to work out something. I opened my email tonight to read her response letting me know that we needed a reason why we wouldn't be available for this test on 5 specific days in January. 5 days...last time I counted January had 26 other days in it, didn't it? We're being too picky though and as such, they can demand we appear or they'll declare him "non-cooperative."
EXCUSE ME? Haven't we been bending over backwards to accommodate their whims for 2 years, 1 month and 2 days already? Because this 1 date is disagreeable & we can't clear everything off our calendars for the entire month of January, we're non-cooperative. If they declare that it means they've won a settlement by default. What does that mean? That means they close the case, no longer pay any medical bills (they aren't paying for hardly anything anymore as it is) AND they can go after us to get the medical costs reimbursed. No kidding.
I sit here trying to absorb this and it makes my head spin. When this accident happened, it was SOLELY the fault of the other driver. It's seldom that someone is found to have 0% fault in an accident (especially when big trucks are involved), but that's what happened. Vance was found to have 0% fault in this. That being said, why in the FREAK are we back to blaming & punishing the victim?
I am so angry right now I want to hurt someone. I want to pull those heads that are placed so firmly up the rear ends of their sleaze-ball attorney, the workmans comp insurance (yes, it's private insurance, not the state system) and his former employers and bash them all together. I want to hurt them. No, it wouldn't solve anything and I know that but I still want to.
I hate the word "hate" but I have never hated anyone with the fury and venom that I feel at this moment.
I want every one of them to feel for just a moment the hurt, the heartache, the fear, the worry, the despair, the frustration, the burden that I have felt every moment of every day since this happened to us. Yes, I said us. This accident has affected me in innumerable ways. It's affected the kids in very deep, life-altering ways. It's affected us a family and certainly us a couple. There is no aspect of our lives this hasn't altered. You can't even imagine.
Because I tell you that asking me to choose between 1) risking both our lives making that drive or 2) putting Vance on a plane that could risk his life because of a heart problem I'm being unreasonable? What's the right answer to this situation? There isn't one.
It would be of tremendous benefit if he didn't make those appointments and we're well aware of that. You've got a huge wine company whose deep pockets belong to the Italian mafia and a trucking company who is run by the mob. If either of us doesn't make it through to the end of this, you'll know why. It wouldn't be the first time in history, would it?
Just a little reminder of who the victim in this whole mess was
No comments:
Post a Comment