Nate had "bully problems" in the past and he has taken the opportunity to give Taylor all sorts of advice, but the one thing he really grasped onto was "pray for him." Such a simple concept really, but one that could easily be overlooked. So pray he has. Every time we kneel for bedtime prayers or he offers a prayer at the dinner table, he asks for Ivan to have a sincere change of heart. Once things started to get better his prayers changed to "please let Ivan continue to have a change of heart." He isn't just praying for his own protection though - he truly wants this young man to have a change of heart so that he can be a better person.
(There's a lesson in this, huh?)
As I was folding laundry tonight I was thinking about this & wondering how it would work for me. What if, for just a brief period of time, I took all that hurt, anger, despair, loneliness, frustration and hopelessness and focused all that energy on praying for those that are seeking to rain these things down upon me? What if, instead of praying for strength to endure, for a resolution, for guidance, for it to stop...what if I prayed for them to have a sincere change of heart? Not for my benefit, but for theirs. What if?
Something beautiful happened with Taylor and this bully. I know they'd been tolerant of each other and it had gotten better, but I was ill-prepared for what he sprung on me tonight. "Mom, Ivan asked me yesterday if we could be friends." Honestly, I didn't expect that. I asked him to repeat himself and he did. Then I asked him what he thought about it. He went on to tell me about how they played soccer at recess together today and tomorrow Ivan's going to teach him how to play football.
I looked into those beautiful, loving, trusting blue eyes tonight and was reminded that despite it all, he never let his faith waiver. He didn't know how things were going to change, but he knew without question that if he sincerely prayed and did all he could to improve the situation that his Heavenly Father would answer his prayers. He didn't think it, he knew it.
Perhaps that's where my problem lies. I believe it will all be okay eventually. My logical mind's eye knows it will, but my aching heart doesn't always feel that way. I have the faith that it will improve, but perhaps what I lack is the conviction or the patience to wait for it. Oh, that I could be more like that little boy.
I am constantly humbled by my children, their convictions, their examples, their beliefs, their strength, their focus...they have taught me so many more things than I could ever teach them. Perhaps that seems backwards, but that's the way it is. For reasons I can't share (and honestly don't totally understand) they came "pre-wired" with this unshakable strength of character and moral fortitude that most people only ever hope to achieve during their lives. People laugh when I tell them "They came that way. I'm just trying not to screw them up." That's the truth.
I know they will contine to have their struggles & their demons to face, but I am so thankful that they were born with the beautiful spirits they were. My sweet Taylor struggles with fitting in; with making friends; with being a round peg in a square hole; with depression and anxiety (to a frightening degree sometimes); with being afraid to color outside the lines. The one thing he doesn't struggle with though is his absolute knowledge that when he closes his eyes, bows his head and utters a prayer that someone is listening. He knows someone is and he absolutely knows he's not alone in his struggles.
(That my friends, is the lesson. For all of us.)
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