Working After The 'Rona

Without question, this is perhaps the weirdest time in history any of us have lived through. So many things over the last few months have felt strange, bizarre, unfamiliar and at times scary. As we are seemingly approaching the end of the pandemic and ensuing lockdown, (my thoughts on that on a different day) life is returning to normal. Some semblance of normal anyway.

Today is not the day to debate the ‘Rona. Today we’re talking about what comes next. To do that though, we have to look at what the last 3 months have been like at least in some part.

How have you spent the last 3 months? Did you continue to get up and go to work every day? Did you find yourself without a job? Were you, like me, one of the ones lucky enough to be working from home? I am thankful beyond words that I have been able to work from home. Had I not had that opportunity afforded me, I absolutely know I would have lost my job.

To understand now, we need to take a step back about 6 months. It was about 6 months ago that everyone around was sick. It was one thing after another and as soon as something seemed to ebb away, something else was right behind it. I don’t even know how many times we took the kids to the doctor between December and February. It seemed like they had the flu (tired, achy, feverish) but the cough…it just didn’t stop. “It’s a cold” “It’s going around” “It’ll run it’s course in about 3-4 weeks” Over and over and over and over! By the end of February they were finally feeling better.

Then March happened. Within a matter of about 10 days my mom was in the ER with pneumonia (diagnosed by a physical exam and a lung x-ray), Dad had Influenza B, Vance went down hard with what looked like the flu for several days and then I got it too. Boom, boom, boom, boom!

I can’t adequately describe what this sickness was like. I’m asthmatic so lung issues are nothing new to me, but this was bad. It was like a weird hybrid of pneumonia, asthma attacks and that one time I had mono. I’d lay down and I honestly felt like I was drowning. For about 2 months I fought this stuff. I could barely make it out of bed some days. Vance and the boys brought all of my work stuff home and set up an office upstairs in the bedroom. I started to finally feel better about a month ago, but my lungs are not fully recovered and I don’t know if they ever will be. I get winded so easily still. To say I would have lost my job is no exaggeration. I couldn’t have taken 2 months off, I didn’t even have enough PTO left to take 3 days off.

Did we have the ‘Rona? Without a positive test, I can’t say that 100%, but having lived it I can tell you without a doubt, yes.

I see comments online about “house arrest” or being in a “government-imposed time out” or being “stuck at home”…that makes me sad. Being home, sheltered in place with my family during a time of absolute uncertainty has been my safe haven. I know as long as we’re here and we’re together that we’re safe. What lies outside those doors, as we’ve seen, we have zero control over.

I spent so much of this time sick that we didn’t get to do all the things I would have liked to have done, but I am very grateful for those moments and experiences we’ve had together. My “to do” list remains, for the most part, undone.

Next Monday I join the throngs of other workers who have already gone back to their respective offices. And, like many of them, I don’t want to. To say otherwise would be a lie and I don’t lie. What’s worse is it has absolutely blown me away at the sheer number of friends I have who have been “talked to” or “chastened” about their less than enthusiastic return to the workplace.

How each one of us has dealt with this whole experience is expressly unique to us and our situation. My feelings are not the same as anyone else’s and it’s ignorant to assume anything other than that.

I’m not an expert by any means, but I do think my 4 years of studying psychology give me a little more insight than Joe-Blow reading a self-help book or a magazine in the grocery store line or watching Dr. Phil.

Let us first define what a traumatic event is before we go any further. “A traumatic event is a shocking, unexpected, scary or dangerous experience than can affect someone emotionally, spiritually, psychologically or physically.” Did you know that the word “Trauma” actually comes from the Greek word for “Wound”? A wound doesn’t have to be physical to cause fear, a sense of helplessness, hurt or grief. Can we all agree that we have been living through what is, by definition, a traumatic event?

Good. Now what?

I could throw study after study after study at you on what the “right” way to work through trauma is, but I won’t. There are as many opinions on it as there are theorists. One thing that is fundamental to healing though, is recognizing the trauma. Once you recognize it for what it is the healing can begin. To ignore it is irresponsible and dangerous. Ever had a sliver you didn’t notice right away? It didn’t just get better did it? No. You had to find the sliver and remove it before the wound could start healing.

Workplaces are implementing all sorts of safe guards to protect their workers and make their work environments as safe as they can, but the reality is that they can’t promise with 100% certainty that everything will be fine. They can do everything in their power to make it a safe place to be, but didn’t we all feel safe in those same places 3 months ago? Were we? That’s definitely something one could debate.

I know many work places are trying to talk to their employees and reassure them about their return to work and that’s great. There definitely needs to be open dialogue, but they need to listen too. It’s really easy to get caught in the trap of assuming everyone handles trauma the same and that’s not true. Our reactions, our responses and our ensuing needs are going to be as different and unique as we are. Because one person seems okay with things, don’t make the mistake of assuming everyone is. And please, please, please don’t shame anyone for handling things differently than you think they should. You are NOT them. Yes, you want them to be 100% committed to returning to work and I get that. But they can’t be bullied, shamed or coerced into it. We’ll all get there in our own time.

Or we won’t.

It’s unrealistic to think the last 3 months aren’t going to have a lasting impact on us. Haven’t they already changed everything?

Consider it this way…you aren’t just asking us to return to work. You’re asking us to redefine normal in a world we’ve been isolated from for 2-3 months. You’re asking us to just pick up where we left off without recognizing that’s not possible. Nothing is the same. We can go through the same motions, do the same job, dress and act the way we did before but we’re doing it in a foreign world. This goes so much deeper than fearing change. You’re expecting us to embrace change and grow from change into a world we don’t know anymore. You don’t know that world either. Is that overly dramatic? Maybe to some people. Maybe not to others.

Now can I throw something else in the already muddled mix? Taking all of this into account, what about homes, families and individuals where mental illness is already an issue? Close your eyes for a second and try to imagine what that looks like. I’m serious – close your eyes and try.

There are many of us who, prior to this, had to deal with mental illness in our lives already. How much harder do you think it is now? Imagine you have a child who fights severe depression and anxiety and realizes their rock is leaving them in an uncertain world to go back to work. Do you think that fear is any less in an older child than it would be a young one? What about a spouse? That’s not at all dramatic if that’s your reality. Mental illness is scary and dangerous without extra trauma thrown into the mix. Until you live it, you can’t even begin to understand it. You can’t even begin to understand the overwhelming, suffocating fear of leaving those who need you the most to go back to work.

So if I seem less than thrilled to go back to work, you’re reading that right. One thing about me, I’m honest to a fault. This may be one of those times where the truth is ugly, but it doesn’t change the fact that my truth is my truth. I don’t want to go back and that has absolutely nothing to do with my job. You can make the workplace as safe as you can, offer all the assurances you want but it doesn’t change how I feel. I get that you’re doing your best, but so am I. My best looks different than yours though.

There is no how-to guide to maneuver through this next stage. I suggest we all practice empathy, understanding, kindness and acceptance as we make this walk alone. We have each other to offer support and encouragement, but ultimately it’s a journey we all make alone.